Oh Grief

As we said our goodbyes to Will, my mom thought we should have some pictures. We knew they wouldn’t be glamorous. We went through so many boxes of tissues that weekend. I’m glad we took a couple though.

It was a traumatic weekend. I know I was prompted by the Holy Ghost to check on Will that Saturday afternoon. In my eyes I believe it was my last chance to serve my brother.
Watching Will being loaded into an ambulance was hard. Saying goodbye to him was even harder.
I’m blessed with the knowledge to know I will see Will again and my many family members who have passed away.  It gives me some peace knowing Will is being taken care of in Heaven. I’m positive he’s interviewed LaVell Edwards and many other famous people already.
We grew up watching LaVell coach, He’s famous to the Betenson grandkids. I’ve listened to a little sports radio since Will’s passing....oddly it helps me feel closer to Will. Sports will always remind of my brother.

One of the hardest things in this grieving process is the day to day. I’m happy to report I haven’t cried over wrappers or Will’s dirty socks recently. I’ve missed him though. I want to ask who some sports guy is, what he thinks about the jazz trades, and if he has new pictures of Sully.  I’ve shied away from talking to many people because sometimes the questions are too hard. I don’t know how I’m doing....so I can’t really answer the question. I’m okay for a little bit and then I’m not. That’s the thing with grief it’s ongoing.
I’m so grateful for those who’ve been there for me Listening to me complain, or laugh at my antics. Or just texting me to check on me.  Especially supporting me through the hardest summer of my life. Thank goodness for High Fitness, swimming pools and restaurants to make me food. I have little desire to prepare a meal. I’ve been surviving on exercise endorphins and restful moments in the pool.

For some reason I take pictures and let people video me when I’m nice and sweaty. I’ve loved going to workout with friends. Especially because I’ve been making new friends....which seems normal for me but once you lose a brother nothing is normal.

I love the words from Will’s boss at Air O Fastners

It makes my heart happy to know that people saw and knew the Will I loved. The jokester and the soft hearted guy that he is. They described him so well. 

Thanks for reading these random thoughts of mine. 

Last but not least Happy Birthday to my favorite Nephew Wyatt! He’s the cutest and has brought a lot of joy to our sad hearts. 

                                                          Wyatt in his Hanbok, 한복

4 weeks

It’s been 4 horrible weeks since Will was taken by ambulance to the Layton Hospital. 4 weeks since he was life flighted to his least favorite city Ogden. 4 weeks without his laugh, jokes and smile.
This morning I listened to 1280’s recording of Will’s co workers talking about him the day after his passing. I’ve put it off for days, but felt like I just needed to do it today.

We are blessed to have voice recordings of Will, some from his radio days and a few from voicemails he left us. Who would have thought in 2008 when Will started an internship at 1280, he’d gain friends for life. I remember in the early years of his career I went to a remote location and met Jan Jorgensen and Kyle Gunther. Will was not pleased with me, he didn’t want his big sister meeting people haha. After Will passed I met and spoke with many of his coworkers and radio friends. I got the last laugh because I now know so many of them. That may sound weird but Will, my siblings and I were raised with laughter. Our dad, Howard, is constantly joking and teasing. My mom is witty and you never know when she’ll crack a joke.
Will was always cracking jokes.

I always go back to these words written by Sean/OC. Will really was hilarious. Early in Sean’s tribute he talks about how Will was a master story teller. I remember listening to Will tell stories in the radio and even though I knew the outcome I loved listening. Will was a character and I think that’s what I am missing most. Laughter can be healing and it definitely helped  the first week of losing Will. 

After the funeral ends and the adrenaline has faded reality sets in. I’m not loving this reality. I keep waiting to have Will come in the door or tell me dinner is ready. Or ask me if I want something from 7-11. It’s been over a month since I’ve been to 7-11...I have no desire to go inside. I love slurpees but the Kaysville 7-11 will always remind me of Will grabbing his morning Mtn Dew or a snack. 

I never thought I’d be saying goodbye to my brother on my 36th birthday. When we came home from the hospital on the 22nd we knew Will wasn’t going to last much longer. I selfishly wanted to postpone his passing for a day other than my birthday.   As Sunday the 23rd happened we were  able to  gather many of Will’s friends to say goodbye. When Will passed on to heaven he was surrounded by those who loved him, Friends from his jr high days, high school, and newer friends. We were lucky enough to have all 6 Smith siblings in the room. That doesn’t happen often anymore. It was comforting to be surrounded by so many people who loved Will. 

That’s what I’m going to remember my lovable, annoying funny brother Will having friends from all walks of life. 

Will was loved and that’s what matters most to me. 

Grief

It’s been 2 weeks since I said Goodbye to my brother Will. It’s been a really hard 2 weeks. I’ll never hear Will crack a stupid joke, try and convince Amy to make him a meal or see his face light up when he saw his daughter.

Grief is an ongoing roller coaster. One minute I’m perfectly fine and the next I’m crying over Will’s dirty socks on the floor.   I had a lot of peace after Will passed because I knew he was with Pop and he was happy.  But now as the 2nd week ends it’s not that easy. I think about the adventures Will is missing out on. I even miss Will’s snoring and he snored loud.

I do have some things to be grateful for.
I know I will see Will again. I hope he knows how much I love him. I wish I would have helped him more and shown more love.  I hate the guilt associated with that....but I’m hoping he knows I love him.
It’s also nice to have another Angel in heaven watching over me and our family.
I am most grateful for the impact Will left on others.   Many listeners, friends and co workers have reached out to tell us how wonderful Will was. He was a friend to all. Even the 7-11 workers...who have probably been missing him dearly.
Will’s friend Ben said it best, “Will had a gift for interacting with complete strangers and making them feel comfortable.”  I’m proud to say he’s my brother. I miss him so much but his legend with always live on in my heart and memories.

Maybe BYU football will have a fantastic season because Grandpa and Will are cheering from Heaven.

Online Dating

Okay I haven’t written on this blog in years. But I need some help. I’ve decided it’s time to try out Online Dating again. I’ve tried it before but I just wasn’t really invested in it.
I’m struggling with writing the bio. I swear you have to be a writer or a Marketing guru to write something intriguing enough.

This is where I need the help! Who wants to help me write my bio?
Pretty much tell me what good things I should say about myself. It’s my birthday this month and I want to have it finished by then. So I have 3 weeks to compose a fabulous bio.
I’m thinking I’ll start back up on Match and I’ll take other recommendations.
Thanks!! Just comment below! Thanks 😘

Thankful

Everyone has been writing things they are thankful for so I decided I would blog about it. Plus for Heritage's wellness goal this week we had to list 14 things we are thankful for. So two birds with one stone. So here goes the list:

1. I am grateful for my mom. She has taught me the value of an education and how to be a great mom.
2. I am grateful for  my dad. He has taught me the value of hard work, never giving up and serving those around him.

3. I am grateful for my brother Will. He has proved people wrong and been his own person. He has the kindest heart and would give the shirt off of his back to someone in need. See last years Christmas post for proof. He works very hard for what he wants. PS He is now assistant program director for 1320 KFAN so very very proud of him.

4. I am thankful for my sister Becca. She has taught me how to fight through struggles. She is also a wonderful little sister who will go on roadtrips with me.

5.  I am grateful for my little brother Josh. I am proud of him for choosing to serve a mission. Befriending

those around him and leading by example.                                                                                                 

                                                                                           

6. I am thankful for my sister Alicia. She is the smartest Smith kid around. She also keeps us laughing.

7. I am grateful for my sister Amy. She has fantastic fashion. I love her unwanted SASS. She completes our family.                                                                                                                                

8. I am grateful for my grandparents. For loving me for who I am. For encouraging me when I am down. 

9.I am grateful for my family. My Aunts,Uncles and cousins. I love having family close by. Some of my cousins are like my sisters. I think it is wonderful that we can get together and do nothing but still enjoy ourselves.

10.  I am eternally grateful for the gospel. The blessings of knowing I am a child of God. The friendships the gospel has brought into my life. Last Sunday I sat in Sacrament Meeting overwhelmed by the many friends I have found in the singles ward. I know that friendship is a key part of the gospel. Jesus loves us and wants us to love each other. Which I believe we show in friendship. 

11. A thankful post wouldn't be complete without thankful turkeys right? I am so very grateful for my job. I love having the opportunity to teach young minds. They teach me so much each day. I spend the day laughing and enjoying my job. I am also grateful for the friendships I have gained through my job. One very key family would be the Soper's. That family alone has taught me more than any class could teach. Thank you Andrea, Dave, Connor, Elly and Ollie for teaching me so much. And yes you are welcome for not searching for a pic....minus Elly I can always find a pic of us. 

12. I am sure I could add at least fifty more pictures. Friends are wonderful. Just talking to a friend can make any day better. I am grateful for the friends I've had throughout the years.

13. Have you noticed how gorgeous Utah has been? The 4 seasons and the sun shining. And the many different aspects of beauty that we can experience daily. So grateful to live where I do. 

14. And last but not least I am grateful for temples. They are beautiful places to become closer to The Lord. They are breathtaking on the outside. I truly love the feeling I have after I have spent time in the temple. 

And this concludes my thankful post and a zillion pictures. 

Friendship 2.0

I have a few pictures to add. (Especially for you Linds)

It is so fun to have girls in your ward that you feel comfortable with. I know that I can go to church or an activity and have a friend. 

              Lindsey, me and Angie

Spent the evening with Alex, Lydia and Jocelyn. We had such a great time we laughed and chatted.  We tried to tour a fall out shelter but it was closed. But we promised ourselves that we will go during the day and tour it. We did get some sweet slap bracelets though. Everyone at the bonfire was jealous!

       Me, Jocelyn, Lydia, Cam and Alex

 How lucky is Cam to be a part of this pic?  

We also went through the drive thru at Kneaders. Since my window is broken Jocelyn had to order from the back window. Just wait for the awesome picture😁

Have you met my friend Cam? We are new best friends. He is an avid BYU fan. He does not leave Cougar games early....if you do he might boo you! He built a fire tonight with one match. He is a serious puzzler. I want him to teach some of my preschoolers how to puzzle. 

Don't be creeped out. He was just trying to show off his masterpiece. He has mad skills! This puzzle is 24,000 pieces. Each piece is about the size of my thumbnail. 

Our first BEST FRIEND picture. I think Lydia might have been jealous. 

So needless to say I am a lucky girl. If you would like to be pictured let me know. 

Check out how great this pic turned out!!?!?!? 

 What a fun night! 

Friendship

 I have been thinking about this for awhile. Have you ever backtracked and thought about how you became friends with someone? 

For instance my best friend from Jr. High and High school Anya. Our moms met and mentioned that we could walk to school together. The rest is history. We spent many mornings and afternoons talking about crazy things. She was just the friend I needed. Anya and I recently got together before she moved Arizona. We picked right back up and I loved chatting with her.

Might not be the best picture but it's a real pic.. Haha!

This summer I have made some great friends from my ward. I encourage everyone to say hi to someone you don't know.

And I have rekindled old friendships too. I am so grateful to live where I do and to have good influences in my life. 

And I can't forget my new friend Michelle. She teaches 6 th Grade at Heritage. We are the babies and her kids are the kings of the school. I am so glad Michelle and I are friends. She has great fashion sense, keeps me laughing and has a great name. 😉 

What can I say I am blessed with wonderful people in my life. 

This is my friend Morgan he leaves for Texas in two weeks. He thinks I am going  to send him popcorn every week haha. Dream on Morg. 

And last but not least an update on Josh. He loves Korea. He is training his second companion. He's still in WonJu and might be ready for a new area. He hits one year on Halloween. So proud of him and the example he sets.