Oh Grief

As we said our goodbyes to Will, my mom thought we should have some pictures. We knew they wouldn’t be glamorous. We went through so many boxes of tissues that weekend. I’m glad we took a couple though.

It was a traumatic weekend. I know I was prompted by the Holy Ghost to check on Will that Saturday afternoon. In my eyes I believe it was my last chance to serve my brother.
Watching Will being loaded into an ambulance was hard. Saying goodbye to him was even harder.
I’m blessed with the knowledge to know I will see Will again and my many family members who have passed away.  It gives me some peace knowing Will is being taken care of in Heaven. I’m positive he’s interviewed LaVell Edwards and many other famous people already.
We grew up watching LaVell coach, He’s famous to the Betenson grandkids. I’ve listened to a little sports radio since Will’s passing....oddly it helps me feel closer to Will. Sports will always remind of my brother.

One of the hardest things in this grieving process is the day to day. I’m happy to report I haven’t cried over wrappers or Will’s dirty socks recently. I’ve missed him though. I want to ask who some sports guy is, what he thinks about the jazz trades, and if he has new pictures of Sully.  I’ve shied away from talking to many people because sometimes the questions are too hard. I don’t know how I’m doing....so I can’t really answer the question. I’m okay for a little bit and then I’m not. That’s the thing with grief it’s ongoing.
I’m so grateful for those who’ve been there for me Listening to me complain, or laugh at my antics. Or just texting me to check on me.  Especially supporting me through the hardest summer of my life. Thank goodness for High Fitness, swimming pools and restaurants to make me food. I have little desire to prepare a meal. I’ve been surviving on exercise endorphins and restful moments in the pool.

For some reason I take pictures and let people video me when I’m nice and sweaty. I’ve loved going to workout with friends. Especially because I’ve been making new friends....which seems normal for me but once you lose a brother nothing is normal.

I love the words from Will’s boss at Air O Fastners

It makes my heart happy to know that people saw and knew the Will I loved. The jokester and the soft hearted guy that he is. They described him so well. 

Thanks for reading these random thoughts of mine. 

Last but not least Happy Birthday to my favorite Nephew Wyatt! He’s the cutest and has brought a lot of joy to our sad hearts. 

                                                          Wyatt in his Hanbok, 한복